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Some typical goals in erotic intimacy: getting to intercourse, achieving orgasm, proving one’s ability as a lover, and other similar accomplishments.

Over time, we can develop a goal-oriented attitude toward sex.

Quite often, we would never have chosen to sit through an hour coffee with them if we had met them in a social situation and realized it wasn’t a fit.

Ignoring it would have probably kept me hooked on the private hope that my fantasy would become a reality.It is totally unreasonable to expect this from another, and disempowering to ourselves to believe we are not whole all on our own.However, I am not sure that this concept always translates into practice very well. The title implies we realize that something is wrong enough to cancel out a future with this person.They are our ultimate companion, our perfect counterpart who makes us feel strong when we feel weak, rich when we are poor, happy when we are sad, and so on.People don’t look up anymore; we stare deeply into our phones instead.

We are lucky, in fact, if we make eye contact with anyone anymore.

I was reminded, once more, of one of the big dramas in sexuality: a goal-oriented attitude.

Goal-oriented sex happens when, in intimacy, we focus on some “goal” instead of allowing the situation to unfold.

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I considered myself to be an independent, self-reliant woman my whole life, only to come to the realization that, buried deeply underneath that bold exterior, I was still secretly hoping that Mr. The shame and disappointment I felt for not having overcome this hidden damsel-in-distress complex was pretty tough to confront.